Tea For Me, and Tea For You
Monica Bederman (The Brearley School)
As we hang up our coats in the closet, I can already imagine myself doing something embarrassing—
spilling the tea, for instance, or knocking into a piece of furniture as I try to stand up. I’ve been practicing
sitting in seiza style for a week, and still haven’t mastered the fine art of not letting my legs go numb. I also
may have forgotten how to form honorific verbs—and on second thought, perhaps I should have dressed
more casually, for I’d misinterpreted Haruka’s “no jeans” warning as a request for formal wear. I try to cast
my nervous thoughts away; the day I have dreamed of since the beginning of high school has come at last
in my eleventh-grade year.

Although I had begun to study Japanese in eighth grade, I only developed an interest in the tea
ceremony a year later, after I read The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. The novel’s main
character, a concierge named Renée, uses tea as a way of reconciling herself with the chaotic, somewhat
absurd world around her. She explains that “when tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our
ability to see greatness in small things”. Soon after, I read Okakura Kakuzo’s The Book of Tea, which
Renée cites. The Book of Tea, written in 1906 for an English-speaking audience, outlines the influences of
Taoism, Zen Buddhism, and what Okakura refers to as “Teaism” on the Japanese culture. Okakura explains
Teaism as “a cult founded on the adoration of the beautiful among the sordid facts of everyday existence”,
but makes it clear that aesthetics are not its sole preoccupation. Teaism makes all of its followers, rich and
poor alike, “aristocrats in taste”, and permeates every aspect of human existence, from hygiene to
economics to morality.

Okakura had given me a lovely introduction to the history and philosophy of tea. Yet as I stand on
the unfamiliar carpet in my white socks, it isn’t his lovely prose that runs through my mind, but rather a
fear of inadvertently breaking an important etiquette rule, of destroying the fragile harmony of the room’s
atmosphere with a clumsy move, or of failing to attain the proper state of selflessness and spiritual
enlightenment. Haruka’s teacher, Mitani-sensei, produces three small folding stools seemingly out of nowhere; she
explains that they are seiza stools that remove pressure from the sitters’ feet. “So we can cheat a little,” she
says with a twinkle in her eye. Haruka and I giggle.

As expected, I stop feeling my legs about fifteen minutes into the ceremony. I don’t know what to say
after bowing, or what part of the tea bowl to drink from, but Mitani-sensei explains every step gently and
patiently, and I feel grateful that I can follow her lead. The silence that fills the small room has a sort of
refinement about it, and the warm, bitter tea a calming aroma. As I sit and admire the tea bowl, my mind
begins to wander.

I remember having met Haruka only a few months ago, when I was assigned to give her family a tour
of my school. I learned that she was originally from Tokyo, but had been living in Manhattan for five years.

She grew very excited when she found out that I was studying Japanese, and we discovered many shared
interests—international cuisine, fashion, comedy, manga, and, of course, tea. Overall, the tour was a
delight; yet at the time, I hadn’t thought that we would meet again and become close friends. Usually, I
only receive a short thank-you email from the prospective applicant; I was surprised and quite moved
when, a few days after the tour, Haruka suggested over email that we attend a tea ceremony together.

After exchanging phone numbers, we began to text regularly in Japanese and in English. I knew since the
beginning that she would always correct my language errors with sincerity and humor, but never judge me
for them—and she knew the same was true for me. Okakura characterizes Teaism as “a worship of the
Imperfect… [and] a tender attempt to accomplish something possible in this impossible thing we know as
life”. I close my eyes, take a sip of tea, and wonder if friendship can be defined similarly.

A year later—when Haruka has moved back to Tokyo, and we still talk nearly every day despite the
time difference—I think it can…
Bibliography Barbery, Muriel. The Elegance of the Hedgehog. New York: Europa Editions, 2008.

Okakura, Kakuzo. The Book of Tea. Vermont: Tuttle Publishing, 1956.

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